l'esprit

in a perfect world...

2012-02-06T20:50:00.000-08:00

'tis the season to pack up my apartment and dump it in a different one. after 3 years as a humble lincoln center resident, i now bid adieu to my hell's kitchen slash upper west side abode and say hello to washington heights. cue lin manuel-miranda.

in the height (pun intended) of delirium and daydreaming, i got to thinking of my perfect world scenario. how delightful would it be to carve out my bank account and splurge on my choice between hi-rise, loft, or brownstone in any neighborhood in manhattan of my choosing...

that's right. i spent wasteful hours of staring at expensive real estate listings. oh to dream...

so whether i win the jackpot, win an oscar, or find a sugar daddy- i am now revealing the 3 homes i plan on having (yes... i plan on having 3 homes...) in the next 10 years.

in a perfect world...

1. 62 orchard street #4, lower east side, nyc

look at all the space. drool.

2. 452 carroll canal, venice, ca

3. 3 ella ter, newport, rhode islandit also has its own private beach. sigh.

all the open space. i can dance everywhere
and what a great wedding venue it would be.

scratch that. in a perfect world, i'd have 5 homes 'cause i'd be selfish. stay tuned... will... be... looking... for... paris and san francisco locations.

someone please give me a lot of money.

the cardio-asana challenge

2012-01-30T19:56:00.000-08:00

as per usual, i have decided to try a new exercise regimen.

this one is called cardio-asana, and i made it up myself.

for the next 30 days:

cardio- every day i have to run at least 1 mile.
asana- i have to take 5 yoga classes a week.

day one starts tomorrow, let's do this.

motivation

2012-01-25T10:24:00.000-08:00

during my 5 day los angeles vacation i have eaten:

-cinnabon
-chick-fil-a
-hot dog on a stick
-dumplings, lots of dumplings
-lucille's bbq
-breakfast burrito
-in & out
-all you can eat sushi
-korean food, lots of korean food.

so today i blended this concoction:
and decided i needed to get into shape.

so to get some motivation, i turned to good ole' Pinterest:
$100 jar. Every time I work out, I'll put $1 into a jar, until I reach my goal $100. When the goal is met, I get to treat myself to a new pair of jeans or a massage.

Bon Appetit's 2012 Food Lover's Cleanse!
I can't really start it immediately 'cause I already did my holy-shit-my-refrigerator-is-empty-let's-make-sure-to-overstock-it-even-though-i-only-cook-for-one-binge. but when all food is consumed, i can't wait to do this cleanse! the food looks amazing!

goal: march 10th. 1940's cocktail attire wedding. woof.

i am 22 going on 23

2011-11-17T00:19:00.000-08:00

my birthday's coming up.

the cold weather slump and the absence of money seem to be putting me in a mood. i've enjoyed a bit too much lamb gyro over rice (extra white sauce), wine, and nutella bread pudding.

i'm turning 23 in eleven days, so i decided to come up with a list of 22 things i have done as a 22-year old that i will 1. absolutely not do until i am 23, and 2. absolutely avoid doing as much as possible when i officially turn 23.

1. eat halal food
2. drink more than a glass of wine/beer on a night i'm not out to dinner or out with friends
3. take a cab
4. order food delivery
5. buy more than 1 bottle of wine at a time.
6. online shopping
7. have casual sex
8. forget to make my bed
9. leave home without washing the dishes
10. be on the computer for more than 2 hours
11. avoid doing laundry
12. neglect my retainers
13. leave my laptop on the floor
14. attempt to use my maxed out credit cards
15. binge eat
16. binge exercise
17. eat too much cheese
18. drink soda
19. purchase beauty products in bulk
20. leave my hair laying around the tub after i shower
21. be negative
22. get massages when i still need money to pay rent.

and now for the list of 23 things i will 1. attempt to work on while i am 22, and 2. live by as a 23-year old.

1. enjoy moderate exercise - to love myself, not kill myself.
2. eat fruits and vegetables every day
3. learn and explore new wines
4. try a crock pot recipe at least once a week
5. call my mom, dad, and sister
6. read all the books in my library
7. expand my library
8. take my vitamins
9. wear red lipstick, casually.
10. practice french
11. cook for myself and try new recipes
12. wear sunblock
13. write something. a blog entry, a diary entry, an intimate letter, or a screenplay. just write.
14. get fresh flowers for my apartment and my room.
15. drink a lot of h20.
16. smile, always.
17. save money, always.
18. keep in touch with my friends
19. sing
20. go for long walks, whether it be a form of travel or leisure
21. meet boys, lots of boys.
22. try a new hairstyle or do my make up differently, always.
23. give hugs

birthday wish list

2011-11-06T21:46:00.001-08:00

happy birthday to me
in 21 days

my birthday is officially on november 28th, and i decided to help everyone out by accumulating a list of the shit i'd accept as gifts. a bottle of brunello di montalcino usually does the trick, but this year- i'm getting specific.

1. red canvas toms - a nice pop of color for what seems to be a dark grey and black fall wardrobe i'm keeping up. i'm a size W8.5 in the toms world.

2. silver glitter toms - duh. see above for shoe size.

3. "purple haze" snuggie - i have done my snuggie research, and the purple haze would look the most slimming.

4. passage d'enfer eau de toilette from l'artisan parfumeur - i've been juggling between the nice early 20's scents of fresh's sugar lychee and philosophy's falling in love. now that i'm turning 23, i'd like to smell like the passage to hell.

5. the best tattoo ever - too much of a pussy to ever get this permanent, but this is pretty much the best tattoo ever.

6. 2006 dolce from napa valley - can you say, deeeelish?

7. emergen-c - raspberry flavor only. boxes and boxes of emergen-c. oh and i didn't attach a link 'cause you can GET THEM AT THE GROCERY STORE.

8. maptotes - i want to collect them all! in a perfect world, i'd have all the bags each filled with a corresponding bottle or bottles of wine.

9. justin bieber christmas album - when is this coming out? i can't even pre-order it. i want the justin bieber christmas album... now.

10. eivor throw from ikea - too lazy to haul my ass to ikea...

so happy birthday to me. still don't know what to get me? a bottle of montepulciano should suffice.

hangover breakfast

2011-10-21T10:57:00.000-07:00

i usually crave lamb gyro over rice during a hangover. but in my post-drinking insomnia, i was craving a smoothie. so, here is a delicious breakfast i came up with that was sweet and light enough to cure my bad decisions from last night.

green tea smoothie + peanut butter and banana toast

while 1 green tea bag is steeping in 1/3 mug worth of hot water, load up the magic bullet! ingredients: 1/2 banana, 4 frozen sliced peaches, 3/4 cup of almond milk, 1 good drizzle of honey. go ahead and blend the first bunch sans concentrated green tea, to get all the fruit chopped up. add green tea and a touch more of almond milk. blend thoroughly.

two hearty pieces of toast with my newest obsession: earth balance peanut butter. yum. crunchy with flax seeds & sweetened with agave nectar. spread on top, add a drizzle of honey.

we don't waste bananas in our household. slice up the other half of your banana. top it on the toast. enjoy.

doenjang jjigae

2011-10-20T18:51:00.000-07:00

no, i didn't fall asleep on my keyboard. doenjang jjigae is a hearty korean soybean paste soup. every time i look up "jjigae," it's described as a casserole. when i think of casserole, i think of a can of campbell's cream of mushrom soup and a glass dish. jjigae is more like a stew. a hearty stew. doenjang is a fermented soy bean. it's pungent in smell- but the end result is a flavorful stew- not unlike miso soup.

1. start by boiling 4 cups of water

2. add less than 1 tablespoon of hon dashi. stir.

3. 6-8 ounces of beef round eye, cut in chunks. make sure to separate them from your other foods to avoid cross-contamination!

4. 1/2 white onion sliced, 3 scallion sprigs sliced, 4 red bliss potatoes quartered, 1/2 package of soft tofu cubed. (make sure to put the remaining tofu back in the original package and add water! it keeps the tofu from drying out)

5. add meat to boiling water.

6. add potatoes.

7. it's true. koreans don't really use measurements. we guess-timate everything. it's what makes korean food so delicious, but absolutely annoying when you're trying to teach. get a ladle- add about two big spoonfuls of doenjang to the pot.

in order to avoid the doenjang not mixing in properly, i go the long route and stir it in the broth until all of it disappears from my spoon. yep, that doenjang looks like piping poop.

8. add all your vegetables. tofu goes in last.

9. give the pot a stir. lower heat a little bit above a simmer. cover pot. let stew for 30 minutes.

voila.

note: i made this when my stomach wasn't exactly happy. i recommend adding 2 chili peppers sliced into the broth. cook it in early so there are no surprises when eating. it gives the jjigae a nice kick without being too spicy.

5 costumes i unfortunately won't wear

2011-10-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

1. afro-dite

2. sexy panda

3. blueberry pie

4. chinese take-out. that fortune cookie headband is priceless.

5. pumpkin spice latte

i scream for steve

2011-10-17T06:43:00.000-07:00

say yes to steve.

there is a man. his name is steve. and he has the key to my heart.

i stumbled upon steve's ice cream at a gourmet-ish grocery market, and i did a double take when i saw the two words that go hand in hand together: salt & caramel.

i popped my salted caramel virginity two years ago when starbucks introduced the salted caramel hot chocolate- so come fall, my body thumps for sweets.

no. 34 salty caramel was perfect.

i'm addicted. steve's craft ice cream is delicious, innovative, and decadently creamy.

next steve's ice cream flavors to try:
-no. 16 blackberry honey
-no. 31 strawberry ricotta
-no. 35 red ginger kombucha

hearty beet salad

2011-10-17T06:35:00.000-07:00

roasted beet salad
(yum)

ingredients:
-roasted beets (oven-roasted for 45 minutes in a 375-degree oven)
-fresh spinach
-roasted walnuts
-reduced-fat feta cheese
-champagne pear vinaigrette (trader joe's)

fact: while peeling beet skin, you may reveal your inner vampire- but blood stained hands are totally worth it.

faux-hike

2011-09-02T05:37:00.000-07:00

i love hiking.
well...
i love the idea of hiking.
i've never gone hiking, but it's one of those things i know i'm gonna like when it happens.
unfortunately, there really aren't hiking grounds around new york city so c'est la vie.

today i decided to try a hiking treadmill workout featured in the newest issue of SELF magazine (yes, the jennifer hudson one) and i may be addicted. it is amazing.

now i'm a runner, so when i first read through the 20 minute workout, i thought it would be a breeze. 20 minutes of walking? please. feel free to challenge me.

the workout:

*set the treadmill at 3.6 mph (brisk walk) and toggle between inclines to simulate hills

start on level ground-
2 min - 0 incline

move to hills-

1 min - 4 incline
3 min - 8 incline
2 min - 12 incline
1 min - 3 incline
2 min - 10 incline
1 min - 12 incline
4 min - 7 incline
2 min - 12 incline
2 min - 6 incline

total: 20 minutes

here's why it is awesome:
it buuuuuuuurnnnnns. but a good burn. and it's so good for the lazy runner. i love knowing that i did a quick and effective workout that didn't make me feel like i was gonna die (cough... jump roping... cough.) it burned my body- but since you were moving through the inclines every other minute- it was easier to get through. i hate the sluggish feeling i get when i know i have 3 more miles to go- the light at the end of the tunnel seems so distant, it can make a workout seem long and strenuous.

everyone, please try the faux-hike. it's fabulous!

polka dot breakfast

2011-09-01T09:07:00.000-07:00

happy september 1st!

the sorta-eggs-benedict

2011-08-18T06:13:00.000-07:00

this morning, i heard my inner fatty pounding at my stomach. holy cow, i want an eggs benedict.

my heart & soul yearned for hollandaise. my brain screamed, "listen bitch, do you really need to rush over to sarabeth's to hog over $20 to soak up 900 calories after you forced yourself to wake up at 5am this morning to play an hour of tennis? plus you just went to trader joe's so you've got egg whites & high fiber cereal waiting to be eaten."

by the time i got home, i had stank face. so out of sheer brilliance, i came up with a quick, easy, and healthy sorta-eggs-benedict that quickly satisfied my cravings.

JEE'S UNDER 200-CALORIE SORTA EGGS BENEDICT
(IN UNDER 3 MINUTES!)

ingredients:
-1 trader joe's multi-grain slim.
(a calorie-conscious must-have. perfect for sandwiches and bagel-alternative. only 100 calories! if you don't shop at trader joe's, you can purchase pepperidge farm deli flats. just make sure to get multi-grain over whole wheat. get that fiber in so you can poo!)
-1/2 cup egg whites (uncooked)
-1 kraft american single, 2% reduced fat
-1 cup of arugula
-4 cherry tomatoes, halved.

directions:
1. put egg whites in a bowl, shred kraft cheese slice in the bowl. cover bowl.
2. microwave egg + cheese bowl for 2 minutes.
3. while egg is cooking, top your bread slices with arugula.
4. when egg is done, spoon it out evenly on both slices on top of the arugula
5. top everything off with cherry tomatoes.
6. voila. enjoy.

sex ed

2011-08-18T05:08:00.000-07:00

healthy penis:

penis infected with a sexually transmitted disease:

i agree, unappetizing.

wrap it up people.

this has been brought to you by the sex educators of america.

cabinet pasta!

2011-02-02T10:19:00.000-08:00

cabinet pasta!

sometimes, i'm just too fucking lazy to go to the store, buy a bag full of onions, fresh basil, dry white wine, and homemade linguine and get all julia childs in the kitchen.

let's be real- i never do that anyway.

especially when there's snow everywhere, damnit!

so on this disgusting frozen winter wednesday, i thought i'd share my easy-as-pie recipe for cabinet pasta!

as guessed, all major items are found in my kitchen cabinet!

mmm, simmer down now

pasta is totes ready

strain!

action shot.

mix and sprinkle some extra pepper!

jee's cabinet pasta recipe

ingredients:
-boxed pasta (my favorite is ronzini's garden delight, not because i'm fooling myself into thinking i'm actually eating my servings of vegetables in the form of carbohydrates- but because the texture is just oh so soft!)
-butter
-can of diced or stewed tomatoes
-parsley (you can use fresh, but the whole point of this fucking recipe is to use the shit in your kitchen cabinet!)
-sea salt (or any salt)
-basil (same note as parsley)
-cinnamon
-red chile pepper!

directions:
-get your water to a boil in a small/medium sized pot (however much you're planning to make, duh)
-at boil, add 1 teaspoon of salt to the water to give your pasta extra flavor! ole!
-add pasta (i put in 1 dry cup) and give it a bit of a stir, lower heat
-on a heated skillet- add 1 tablespoon of butter (ironically, i never use butter when i cook! i just love breaking the rules with this dish.)
-when butter is melted, add can of tomatoes and stir
-mash tomatoes as you stir to add texture to the sauce
-add 1/2 tablespoon basil, stir
-add 1/2 tablespoon parsley, stir
-add 1/2 tablespoon cinnamon, stir
-add 1 tablespoon red chile pepper, stir! (now i love red chile pepper, and i love spicy pasta- so feel free to modify this measurement to your own capacity!)
-lower heat, allow sauce to stew
-drain pasta after it's been cooked al dente (do i sound like giada?)
-add pasta directly to skillet and stir.
-add extra pepper on top- and enjoy!

i love gyu

2011-01-18T10:56:00.000-08:00

i've officially popped my japanese bbq cherry.

being the korean bbq snob that i am, i had no idea the japanese were copying us. i then channeled my inner geisha, wore a sparkly dress, and feasted on meat, sake, and s'mores- holla!

my personal favorites include: crispy seaweed with cream cheese (brilliant), and filet mignon ponzu

sake sake sake sake sake!

s'moreeeeessss, what? oh the crazy japanese.

as soon as the s'mores came out, i let my inner geisha go.

2011 resolutions i probably can't keep

2010-12-31T07:11:00.000-08:00

happy new year my spider monkeys! it's the last one before the inevitable end of the world as cinematically portrayed by the john cusack starring 2009 film, 2012. i have a feeling it's gonna be a good one, and i'd like to take some time to list out my resolutions that i'll probably forget about in 2 weeks.

1. write more

2. go on lots of vacation

3. stay positive.

auld lang polaroid

2010-12-30T10:01:00.000-08:00

yes, you can buy them at urban outfitters. yes, you can download an iphone app that distorts your image. yes, it's incredibly trendy without artistic merit. however, i can't deny my recent love for a good ole polaroid picture. there's nothing like instant photoshop-less shots that warms the crazy in my heart.

the following is one of many of my christmases. it's a visual ode to my new year where i hope polaroids improve in presence in my life.

cleaning out the bad juju

2010-12-28T00:50:00.000-08:00

"getting rid of the bad juju" is a philosophy i created a year ago. it's a get your shit together detox, so to speak.

when you're feeling fat, ugly, and overall frustrated with how imperfect your life is- you get rid of the bad juju and get your act together.

this isn't a 180-degree turn around. in a perfect world, getting rid of the bad juju in my life would include smacking a bunch of people, running 10 miles, and reading the complete works of shakespeare. it's 4am, and though it's getting rid of bad juju time, it's also 4am.

the point of getting rid of the bad juju is to clean up as much shit in your life as you can. this includes- doing your laundry, washing your dishes, paying your bills, shaving your legs...

by giving yourself an amazing kickstart, your next day, week, month runs a bit more peacefully. the fact of the matter is- when you start living life like the person you want to be, you begin to become the person you want to be. and to start, you get rid of the bad juju- or the controllable elements in your life that don't help you progress any further to be the ideal being you want to become.

much like spring cleaning, the nyc snowstorm really shook me. maybe it's the snow, maybe it's the new year approaching, or maybe it's the 10 lbs i've gained recently but i've decided it's time to clean out the bad juju.

i've already plucked my eyebrows and upper lip hair, i've taken all my vitamins, i've scheduled an afternoon anti-gravity yoga class, and i've read all my blogs on google reader.

other bad juju to clean out:
-clean my room
-wash dishes
-clean the bathroom
-shave my legs
-sort out of my postage
-clean my humidifier
-clean out my purse

... and who knows what else. anything can happen when it's getting rid of bad juju time.

a kind reminder

2010-12-27T22:15:00.000-08:00

following my train of negative posts, i've been granted with my 3rd round of the holiday flu. i'm sure my immune system is just punishing me and allowing a physical manifestation of the bullshit i've been dealing with all fall and winter. i've been working myself to the bone, and when i'm not working- i'm complaining and moaning about all the work i've been doing. i've hit a hole in the wall, and i'm spent.

i spent a good 30 minutes bitching to a friend on the phone all "whoa is me" and then proceeded to facebook chat with three people at the same time to vent about my frustrations. finally i realized that i'm just exhausted with myself.

my friend proceeded to give me a kind reminder that i'm slowly trying to digest and take heed, "sometimes you just need to step back a bit, and breathe, and be thankful for what's in your life."

so i'm gonna try that. no more bitching. i'm on the lookout for a shrink. here is a segment i'd like to title, the 10 things i am thankful for

1. great friends
2. my comfortable bed
3. my palladium boots
4. athleticism
5. vegetable jalfrezi
6. almay make-up
7. birth control
8. delivery.com
9. my mother
10. malbec

the heartbreak playlist

2010-12-16T21:33:00.000-08:00

the worst part of dealing with heartbreak is probably the fact that it's fucking freezing outside and i am now dealing with a physical manifestation of all the shitty emotions blending a peanut butter banana smoothie within my whole being. i have a cold- shoot my face.

but all in all, i've decided that i'm moving on and the healthiest thing is to be true to myself- let my emotions run wild, and then dance it out.

here is a list of the ten songs on my heartbreak playlist. keep in mind, the order does matter. it begins with songs that make me ugly cry and progresses into me lacing up my sneakers and putting on a pair of boxing gloves so i can go kick some ass.

1. "one sweet day" by mariah carey ft. boys II men
2. "the voice within" by christina aguilera

3. "everything" by fefe dobson

4. "stuck" by stacie orrico

5. "the greatest love of all" by whitney houston

6. "there you'll be" by faith hill

7. "irreplaceable" by beyonce

8. "no scrubs" by tlc

9. "don't stop me now" by queen

10. "bulletproof" by la roux

emotional eating much?

2010-12-15T09:09:00.000-08:00

i'd like to take this time to point out the fact that i have been emotionally eating and i'm really proud of it. the extra 5 lbs i'm sporting really accentuates my jugs and i have been one happy fat ass.

boys suck, so i deserve my fucking cake. yesterday i enjoyed chocolate chip pancakes, french fries, and strawberry ice cream. i can't think of one nutritious element in those three dishes except sheer bliss.

today i will be eating indian food.

so i'd like to take this time to share the 10 best things to eat when a douche of a dick breaks your heart, and the inner goddess in you (also known as the inner fat ass) wants to indulge. after all, i am woman hear me roar.

1. french fries.
2. salted caramel hot chocolate from starbucks
3. chocolate chip eggo waffles
4. peanut butter
5. strawberry ice cream
6. chicken tikka masala
7. cinnabon
8. chipotle with extra sour cream
9. shake shack custard
10. kimchee stew

the disgusting truth

2010-12-14T06:48:00.000-08:00

it all happens to us. boy breaks girl's heart. however, no matter how much of a shit-faced douchebag the boy ends up being, the poor hooker just cannot get over him.

i was in california this week and on my final morning, a friend and i took a long stroll on the beach (how cliche of us) dishing over boys.

sounding as though we were caught right in the middle of a meg ryan rom com, we took turns nauseating over our love lives and overanalyzing our each individual situations.

we all know that girls tend to be the emotional ones in the relationship- but the problem actually comes from the sad truth that it's all chemical. the way a guy makes us feel directly impacts the chemical reactions in our bodies. females have hormones that set off a rainbow of emotions- so we not only have an emotional attachment to men, but we have a strong chemical attachment to them as well.

i, however, am not a scientist. so instead of putting on a lab coat and testing out this hypothesis- i've decided that all men are retarded. i legitimately believe all men are missing chromosomes and have been diagnosed as pathetic idiots.

the 22 things i'm not thankful for

2010-12-03T10:48:00.000-08:00

so i've officially been m.i.a. for the duration of the summer- and seeing as how it's been ungodly freezing out- the duration of fall.

last week, two of america's favorite holidays took place- thanksgiving, and my 22nd birthday.

the cold weather has been making me feel a little low lately. i'm in a dark place- with a big dark cloud rising up over my head. on that note, i thought i should (in honor of thanksgiving and my 22nd birthday) write about the 22 things that i am not thankful for.

1. mta
2. pap smears
3. french people who don't know how to tip
4. the extra 5 lbs i gained over thanksgiving
5. the extra 5 lbs i'll gain on christmas
6. the extra 5 lbs i'll gain on new years
7. people who don't let me exit the subway train before entering
8. paying taxes
9. online dating
10. when a bottle of malbec goes empty
11. plucking my eyebrows
12. wearing puffy coats
13. avoiding carbs
14. paying rent
15. american apparel
16. being single
17. no response after beckoning a bootycall
18. the booming population of mice and rats in the city
19. williamsburg
20. having a blackberry when i really want an iphone
21. the disgusting b.o. of a cab driver
22. jake and taylor swift

smell the fuckin' flowers

2010-07-06T16:19:00.000-07:00

new yorkers are never satisfied. when taxi cabs are milling through grey slush come winter, we can't wait for the summer. when our pinkberry melts after 2 seconds of contact with the boiling humidity, we can't wait for the magical land of snow.

what is it people? i agree- it's 100 degress out, and that sucks. suck it up- drink some h20, crank up the ac, and stop whining.

or move to canada.

banh jee!

2010-06-18T11:50:00.000-07:00

banh mi!

(aka vietnamese sandwiches)

this afternoon, i tapped into the little vietnamese man inside of me and pho-king cooked myself banh mi!

and after an extensive "quick banh mi recipe" google search, i got restless and decided i'd improvise the recipe from my own fond memories of this pho-kin' amazing dish.

i hate cooking meat.

hate hate hate hate hate hate hate

but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do

and voila!

i know i'm supposed to have taken action shots, but i was drooling at the mouth and afraid to get meat juice all over the camera. so there ya have it!

banh jee recipe

ingredients:

-1/2 an italian hero

-a handful of cilantro

-1/2 a carrot chopped up

-1/2 a cucumber chopped up
-3 slices of red onion

-1 tbsp fat free mayo
-boneless steak chunks cut up teeny tiny
-3/4 cup of soy sauce
-3 tbsp vegan cane sugar *obviously doesn't have to be vegan, that's just the crazy shit i have in my kitchen
-2 garlic cloves minced
-2 green onions chopped up to bits

marinate the beef!

-combine beef, soy sauce, sugar, garlic, and green onions in a medium sized bowl and mix thoroughly.
-mix for about 2 more extra minutes, saran wrap, then refrigerate for about 10 minutes

cook the beef!
-take marinated beef out of the refrigerator and add to a large skillet

-cook thoroughly

put it together!
-cut the 1/2 hero in half (yup!) and put it in the toaster for about 15 seconds (just to warm it up!)
-add mayo to both sides of the bread
-top the bread slices with cilantro, carrots, cucumbers, and red onions

-add cooked beef

then scream BANH JEE!

naked naked naked

2010-06-10T17:37:00.000-07:00

it's getting hot in here so take off all your clothes

2010-06-02T09:28:00.000-07:00

it's 83 degrees out.
i don't believe in paying $100 extra dollars a month for air conditioning.
i just ran 2 miles.

it's lunch time, and i'm in dire need of something refreshing.

and i decided to make kimchi chigae.

what is kimchi chigae? it's a stew made out of kimchi (spicy fermented cabbage) that is the definition of hot. it's spicy spicy spicy and it's steamy steamy steamy.

you'd think i'd slice open a watermelon.

koreans are fucking insane. this is an example of the idiosyncrasies i was taught as a child. on a hot and humid day, feast on a spicy stew.

but it tasted heavenly.

yes, i'm sweating more now than i did after my 2 mile sprint. yes, i have snot coming out of my nose. yes, my face is the color of the stew. yes, my entire apartment smells like a foot.

but i could die a happy woman at this moment.

simple little things.

now i need to jump in a tub of ice.

jee's fool-proof kimchi chigae recipe
(nothing phenomenally different... i'm just being pretentious)

ingredients:
-kimchi (lots of it, and make sure to keep the kimchi juice! kimchi juice!!!)
-sesame oil (2 tablespoons)
-extra firm tofu cubed (1 whole package, yo!)
-water (3 cups)

directions:
-add sesame oil to a medium pot
-throw tofu cubs into the pot and let sizzle in the sesame oil
-add kimchi (around 3-4 cups) and kimchi juice (at least 1 cup!)
-add water
-close lid and let sit for a lonnnnnnnng time
-check stew after 30 minutes (cabbage should be tender not crisp)
-let it stew longer if it's taking its freaken time.

serves 4 (or 1 if you eat the way i do)

*don't be an impatient little fatty. wait for the stew to taste right before judging that you made it incorrectly. when it's finally cooked right, the stew will taste completely different. calm your asses down, alright?

estrogen

2010-05-30T21:33:00.000-07:00

sometimes i can be such a girl.

i spend too much time deciding whether or not ice cream is worth the calories even though i know that in the end, i'm probably going to eat it.

i always have to have makeup on my face before i leave the house.

i read wedding blogs. keep in mind i'm not engaged, nor in a committed relationship, nor in any relationship. for crying out loud, i'm single- and not actively dating.

i don't ever stop complaining about being single. i'm like the "quirky" best friend in a romantic comedy who just mopes around feeling sorry for herself as if the world is out to get her.

i take way too long choosing my outfits.

i read up on my horoscope religiously. and i hate to admit it, but i buy into all of that cosmic alignment and planets entering my stars crap. yes, i laugh every time i say "uranus" out loud- but sadly i also circle the dates when "eros is in my love center."

but i love being a girl.

i love putting on an oatmeal mask and wanting to just lick my cheek because my face smells like a cookie.

i love dresses.

i love buying myself flowers simply because i feel flirtatious.

i love flipping my hair.

i love eating my feelings.

i love the way my legs look when i'm wearing heels.

i love using the "time of the month" as my excuse to be an asshole.

i love that sheena easton's "9 to 5" is my theme song.

i love being able to say "i am woman hear me roar"

!!

2010-04-27T09:41:00.000-07:00

100 miles

where the hell have i been?

2010-04-18T16:37:00.000-07:00

oh hello. =)

and where the hell did march and april go?

the sun is shining, it's a lovely day. the last trickles of winter have officially given new york city some peace, and now spring is being a bipolar bitch.

what does this mean?

my skin is going crazy from the weather change, and the 100-mile club is back on, now that swimsuit season is approaching us faster than i'd like it to.

the bad news is- i've been busy. too busy to bitch on my blog. hehe... alliterations.

the goooooood news is- i have less than 20 miles to go before i complete my 100 miles, and i am definitely holding out for a trophy.

i've also been trying to lose about 700 lbs for the upcoming premiere of my cute little film "meet monica velour" at tribeca film festival next week so i've officially cut out beer and french fries from my diet.

you'd think with all the healthy eating and running i've been doing, i'd be in the best spirits of all.

au contraire...

i'm a big bitch right now. everything annoys me, i'm constantly hungry, and my body is 125% sore.

but no worries my darlings, i am active once more. oh the stories i have to tell.

the bitch is back.

*photo credit - max wanger photography

my first cat

2010-03-17T14:56:00.001-07:00

i "forgot" that i agreed to let my roommate bring a cat into our home for a month... so we have a cat... for a month.

i kind of don't know how to deal with this right now.

her name is martina, but i forget that a lot. she isn't thrilled that i continue to call her "cat" or any female name that starts with an "m."

but she won't leave me alone!

she keeps meowing, and i have no idea what she's trying to communicate. i can tell she's bored with her life, so i try to play with her- but i don't know how to play with cats! i grabbed a sock and waved it in her face, and she just walked away.

and i'm also allergic to kitties and the benadryl doesn't seem to be working. someone please save me- i might die from this cat. this cat... will... kill me.

oh and i should mention, while i was writing this, the little minx hopped on top of my laptop (which is on my lap) and clawed it away so that she could sit on my lap.

there is only room for one prima donna in this household.

who does she think this is?

and cats have weird tongues.

insomnia and the final days

2010-03-11T00:23:00.000-08:00

i've recently been forced to wake up at ungodly hours to be of service to the cupcake empire which isn't cooperating with my nocturnal ways. yes, i need 8 hours of sleep. yes, i'd prefer 12. no, i do not like having a bedtime set for 9:00 PM. no, i do not end up sleeping at 9:00 PM. yes, i wake up with a pathetic 4 hours of twisting and turning having written "fuck the man" on my forehead with a big purple sharpie.

so where does that leave me? after allowing myself to walk the earth as a zombie, 4PM is looking like a nice hour to take nap. and as i lay me down to sleep...

i have to be awake again the following day by 5AM.

so... why would i take a nap (the duration adding up to 3 hours most likely- yeah, there's no way i could only do with just one...) and then wake up, and not be able to go back to bed for the 8 hours that i'd need?

so i of course try to keep myself awake as long as possible. all i need to do is make it 'til 9:00 PM and i'll be a-okay!

all i need to do is watch the rest of this episode of friends. all i need to do is watch 30 minutes of the office. 20 more minutes, this is a good episode! 15 more minutes, ha ha oh dwight! you are so so funny! 10 more minutes, jim you are too adorable... 8 more minutes...

wake up wake up on saturday night.

the clock hits 8:00PM and the realization haunts me. i just took a 4 hour nap...

so i can be awake... or try to go back asleep...

yeah, i can do it... i can allow myself a good ole' 14 hour rest period... i just need to brush my teeth and get my retainers on...

brush brush- "don't wake up! just stay sleepy enough to stick the retainers in and head to bed"

"DON'T WAKE UP!"

as i lay me down to sleep... "fuck my life... i'm awake."

and i'm awake.
and i'm awake.

"yes! i think it's working"

sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep

and i'm awake. "yes! is it 5AM?" turn to the side... "12AM"

fuck.

i'm awake. fuck the man.

so i throw a black bean tamale frozen dinner in the microwave and chug some carrot juice. i watch an episode of modern family grumpily. inhale my "dinner" and here i am at 3:35AM unable to get to sleep with the disturbing knowledge that i need to be awake in 1.5 hours.

i didn't really get a sufficient amount of sleep. and i can't go to bed.

and to make matters worse, i'm pretty sure my macbook is officially deceased.

the hard drive's been killing me and has recently been fixed (oh and can i say... the stupid korean people who fixed it ended up deleting everything that was ever on it, even though i paid them to back everything up onto an external hard drive...) and now it won't start up.

i'm unsettled.

my sleep is all messed up. my laptop is acting like it has cancer and is going through chemotherapy.

and now i know i should never blog when i'm sleep deficient.

felix morelo is a swell guy

2010-03-05T17:03:00.000-08:00

i was in union square yesterday when i headed over to barnes and noble to use the loo (as per usual) when something stopped my tracks.

a man is drawing faces on the sidewalk!

intrigued, i decided to go look for the first face:

for some reason, it put a smile on my face. here is this guy drawing faces on the ground- and as i was looking around me, i could see people noticing the track of faces and lighting up as well. i went along my merry way- and about an hour later, the thought hit me. "how many faces is he going to draw?" i actually got excited, so i ran back to barnes & noble to find the track of faces. there it was, and i saw a path beginning to form, and i got excited. so i started running.

and i found it. it didn't mount up to the hype i was giving it- i was expecting to be running all the way past the williamsburg bridge- but there it was, the end. at 220 faces.

and after the 220th face, there was a spot.

and i got a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. i looked around feeling bashful, but i stepped into it.

and then... i looked closer...

a penny!

and i took it.

why would i leave money lying around?

i really hope felix didn't put that there... as if the penny was bringing that spot the luck.

i then went home with a corny smirk on my face- and did my googling on the guy, and i learned that this bit he does is just a part of the normal rotation of felix morelo's daily life.

and that's why felix morelo is a swell guy.

99 things to eat in nyc before you die

2010-02-28T13:53:00.000-08:00

though i've forsaken my people, after reading jonathan gold's 99 things to eat in l.a. before you die, i've been tempted to return to the mother land to embark on this journey.

i feel like a failure after browsing through the list- since i've only tried 1/99 of all the items- a hot dog on a stick, and if you've lived in los angeles and have never tried a hot dog on a stick, shame on you!

still, the list is daunting. i don't seem to have the funds let alone the guts to try some of these foods. for example: san nak ji (obviously a crazy korean dish, damn koreans!) which is basically chopped live octopus still wiggling on your plate.

but when i browse through and read about anisette's pain au chocolat or border grill's green corn tamales, i start getting that warm fuzzy feeling identical to the way i feel when i watch the amazing race.

it left me wondering- what are the 99 things to eat in nyc before you die?

sadly, i've only been here for 4 years, and as the poor starving artist i am, i don't even think i've eaten at 99 different places, let alone possess the capability to list the 99 places you have to eat before you die!

so here are my 9 things to eat in nyc before you die (subject to change when i win the lottery, and in no particular order):

1. stand's "stand burger"- they're big, juicy, and they remind me of the 1997 kenan & kel film, "good burger"

2. levain bakery's chocolate brioche - remember when kate moss was quoted saying, "nothing tastes as good as feeling skinny?" well stuff one of these in her mouth.

3. uncle nick's avgolemono soup - i haven't met nick, but if i ever happened to walk by him, i'd kiss his feet.

4. sarabeth's pumpkin muffin - i'm not gonna lie to you, brunch at sarabeth's was pretty disappointing, but these wittle bumpkins'll have you coming back f'more!

5. republic's crispy tofu - If I was a man, I wouldn't be afraid of growing boobs after eating these.

6. sugar sweet sunshine's pistachio cupcakes - best. cupcakes. ever. since i work for a cupcake bakery, i really shouldn't be advocating any other cupcake shops- it's blasphemous! but the pistachio cupcakes own all.

7. mantao's spicy tofu sandwich - and you gotta wash it down with watermelon juice, oh yes.

8. arirang's soo jeh bee- yep, you probably have no idea what i just wrote. i must've fallen asleep and my cheeks just pressed a couple keys. soo jeh bee is a korean dish made with fresh noodles. it's amazing, and in korea town- you'll never get a good bargain unless you dine here. you should also order the korean pajeon which is made with rice cakes cooked inside- brilliant! my mother just cried a little.

9. cupcake cafe's americano - okay, okay... so it's not really a thing to eat, but this place has done it. best americano i've had in my life. i could almost give food up to just sip these all the time!

i don't care if you agree or disagree, these are the nine things i would eat before you kill me. =)

asian brides

2010-02-20T13:34:00.000-08:00

how is it that every time i see a wedding shoot in central park, the bride is always asian?

it's oh so quiet, shh! shh!

2010-02-16T21:43:00.000-08:00

if i believed in reincarnation, i'd like to come back as a puppy.

someone would feed me and pick up my poo. i wouldn't have to worry about paying rent or the electric bill. my entire day would be filled with people adoring me and taking long naps. i'd get a reward for senseless things like sitting or laying down.

my valentine's day blog

2010-02-15T00:17:00.000-08:00

happy valentime's day!

purposefully not a typo.

there is no way i would've allowed myself to go to bed before i gushed over one of the most evil holidays of the year. and no, this isn't a christmas/hanukkah thing- i don't celebrate "singleness awareness day" either.

what to write about... what to write about...

its origin? should i read up saint valentine on the always trustworthy wikipedia? or i could write an entire entry reminiscing the simple days of our childhood when we'd pass out character thematic cards attached to a box of sweethearts?

hmm...

i could go forever talking about how much valentine's day sucks inserting "kicking the bucket" jokes- but the truth comes out: if i weren't single, i wouldn't hate valentine's day.

so of course i'd want to booze it up with my very single and bitter homo-sapiens. but this year, i decided to meet up with old friends for a drink or two to catch up on the good old days.

i ended up working at the cupcake prison, of course. and though i wanted to throw up on every dawson and joey who wanted to fatten each other up on the day of love- it wasn't actually that bad. a couple rounds of belting "the greatest love of all" did the trick-and my mood was pretty light and breezy.

it took me a good 35 minutes to get all the way down to the lower east side to meet my friends- and i already see that everything is closed. they don't let me in to wait around at the place we're supposed to meet- so i try to bear the bitter cold. i give my friends a call- and they inform me they've taken a detour and i should be expecting them in 15 minutes.

nowhere to go, so i sit on a stoop in front of a sushi restaurant where i'm tempted to ravish in platefuls of 50% off sushi. i resist.

and i wait.

like a gargoyle.

for a total of...

drumroll...

1 hour.

...

if you haven't been in new york lately- i should just tell you that it is fucking cold here.

and i waited. that long.

not only was i waiting for an hour in the bitter cold. the last thing i wanted to do was sit around feeling miserable and lonely... on valentine's day.

sounds childish- but no! not cool!

all my single ladies- this is the day your friends are supposed to have your back! you're supposed to be downing vodka and looping compliments to each other. telling each other "there is NO reason you're single- it doesn't make sense!"

i was frozen and people were judging me.

the moral of the story- don't leave your friends hanging. i expect guys to let us down come february 14th- but your buddies? come on! you should never give your friends a reason to feel more lonely on this miserable holiday! don't be a douche. don't leave your friends hanging. especially on valentine's day.

i don't care for the superbowl

2010-02-08T07:16:00.000-08:00

but if there were no superbowl, there'd be no superbowl commercials!

and we would never get the honor to see this commercial!

okay well, they could've still made this commercial without the superbowl but that was just my pop culture segue into:

i google everything. =)

baduk!

2010-02-02T23:03:00.001-08:00

baduk!

yep, if you're not korean, you have no idea what baduk is! hell, even if you are korean, you still probably don't know what baduk is!

baduk (or "go!" according to wikipedia) is a game. for starters, if you look at the above picture of the wrinkly hand touching what seems to be black and white mentos candies on a wooden sheet of graph paper... that is baduk.

it's not that simple.

i've lived my whole life watching my grandfather beat the shit out of my uncles every thanksgiving, yet my cultural curiosity never kicked in.

but this past happy new year, as i was washing the dishes left behind by 20 hungry koreans- the unthinkable happened.

my sister asked if she could play.

listen... i doubt anyone born after 1965 has ever played baduk let alone had the audacity to ask what the hell it was all about.

let alone a female.

but it happened. my defeated father moved over as my smug sister joined in. my grandfather started explaining the instructions in what sounded like ancient chanting- and they started. my oblivious sister was mindlessly placing her white pieces down which were followed by mocking laughter in the background as my grandfather coolly followed her moves. after 20 minutes of what seemed to be the longest 20 minutes of my life- the game was over. and i still don't know how or why- my grandfather owned her.

so i turn over and ask my mom if i could read the board game instructions to which she replied "what instruc?" ah yes... this ancient game probably didn't come with a set of instructions- and if it did, i'd probably have to go on a legendary journey to search for them written on a scroll that's been hidden in an underground cave of kimchi pots. so she starts explaining to me what the game is all about. i don't know if it was my inability to understand the korean vocabulary, but the only words my mom seemed to be saying were "invasion" and "big house." so i gave up.

i apologize if by now you were expecting for me to give you a detailed explanation of what baduk is as well as the object of the game. i just simply don't get it. i even tried googling it, but it just doesn't make sense in english (as if it makes sense in korean)!

but i've recently been inspired, and i would very much like to learn.

i had a dream last night that i was a baduk champion. baduk was a winter olympic sport, and i was the emperor of all baduk.

and after they crowned me with the gold medal, i grabbed some of the pebbles and put them in my mouth to which i replied, "mentos, the freshmaker!"

rip

2010-01-30T10:27:00.000-08:00

today i lost a friend.

my mind is numb yet i seem to be able to fire out random senseless things out of my mouth.

i just can't seem to find the right words- but there's no such thing as "the right words" at a time like this.

all i have is a handful of really lame jokes, and yet he would've totally laughed at them.

i hate the acronym for rest in peace- "rip." it makes me think about eerie graveyards and zombies.

i hate it even more now that i actually have to say it.

rest in peace ethan shell.

flirting 101

2010-01-27T08:24:00.000-08:00

sad but true. due to my current predicament- i have resulted to none other than a book.

expert flirt i am not, but i'll be damned if i couldn't defeat a mere 177 pages. i'm not one to brag, but i have read all the harry potters.

chapter one touches on the history of flirting. in the victorian era, flirting was an art form- and men and women would display clear signals that they were eyeing each other (without solely eyeing of course.) a lady would wave her lace gloves in her left hand and a gentleman would immediately know she wanted to be kissed, or something like that.

oh bollocks. i curse the modern age- where flirting has become this vague activity that is merely a headache rather than an "art form." i would love to be able to wave my fan in my face to give a man permission to take me out for some pinkberry.

i suppose i could still do that. but instead of a fan in my hand, i could carry a martini. and instead of carrying it, i'd be drinking it- at a rapid pace.

or i wish i could just go back to the time boys and girls were in seperate packs. boys had cooties, dammit!

man, all this girl talk. i sound like a friggin seventeen magazine. i vow that this will be the last post about anything boys related. at least until something actually exciting happens. at the rate i'm going- you might as well be reading "are you there god? it's me margaret."

i suddenly have a huge craving for girl scout cookies. mmm... samoas.

crazy little thing called love

2010-01-22T23:20:00.000-08:00

how do you tell someone, "i am so into you" without scaring them?

do you write them a poem?

a haiku, possibly - straight to the point.

i say - don't do it.

don't be crazy.

that's about it.

in 8th grade, i had fallen hard for a boy whom i will rename barcus. i liked him so much, and i even got to go to my 8th grade promotion dance with him! one day, i was at the mall with a friend, and we visited our favorite store - morning glory. for my peeps who know nothing of the asian american culture- morning glory is a stationary + gift store full of overpriced pens, pencils, and random bullshit a la hello kitty. it's like keroppi and pochacco decided to go on a trip to korea. well, my pitiful 13-year old self thought it would be romantic to buy barcus 100 lollipops as a proof of my love for him. i'm pretty sure they sold for $0.25 each (i just realized, i don't know how to type the cent symbol on my computer...) and i ended up buying 100 of them for this guy. the thing is, we weren't even an item- he never asked me to "get with him" (that was how people asked each other to become boyfriend/girlfriend back then... "will you get with me?" i know, lazy) - i just wanted to be bold and out there- and though it was a cute gesture- i look back and all i see are warning signs screaming "cray cray!" whatever happened to barcus? he's gay, and i probably drove him to it, since i did gift him with a 100 of these:

and i didn't learn my lesson.

in 9th grade, i had a big crush on a guy who i will rename kulian. on valentine's day, asb would promote "crush grams" where you pay up to send your crush one of these:

cute right? they'd put pink ribbons on it with a tag that'd say "_______ has a crush on you!" and send it to your crush! sad as it was, i never received one of those. scratch that. my girlfriends would send it to me- because they knew i wouldn't receive one. it's sad how much we weighed our worth on these carbonated beverages.

anyway...

i barely knew kulian at that time, but i liked him. so i sent him not one crush bottle, not two. you know, i don't even know how many i sent him- but i think the number was around 20?

though i thought i was being the bold chivalrous girl- i can't help but think back on that moment. if i were to switch places with kulian- be in the middle of i don't know orchestra class, when a bunch of asb kids wattle in with 20 bottles of crush bottles all with tags that say "jee has a crush on you!" (mind you- we weren't even friends then. we never really spoke- we just imed once or twice before) how would i feel?

point being- i didn't think i was being crazy, though i was.

so i lift my glass to patience and not being crazy.

i don't need a grill, i had braces

2010-01-21T23:13:00.000-08:00

i may be the only adult (and yes, i pronounced that "ah-dult") who remains faithful to the continued practice of wearing their retainers.

this may very well be the defining factor as to why i remain single- but i love them. i can't not wear them at night- i simply can't not.

when preparing for my return from california- my korean family and i dined at a family friend's japanese restaurant (owned by korean people, mind you) prior to my red eye flight back home. as my dad was slurping the last bit of his udon, and my mom was trying to hint at our family friend about giving us a big discount on the dinner- i headed over to the bathroom to brush my teeth and put my retainers on. when i returned, our family friend exclaimed, "you still wear your retainers? jennifer (her daughter) stopped wearing those years ago and now her teeth are all fucked up (she really didn't say "fucked up" but that's how i translate korean)"

mind you, i know jennifer very well- and i know that she had to get one of those spacer things for mouths that are too small PRIOR to her brace face stage. she had her braces put in before i had mine in, and taken out after mine were taken out- altogether a big 7 years of fixing her crazy teeth.

after 7 years of torture, and about $5000 down the drain- all she's left with is crazy teeth.

but it's not just jennifer. it's everyone.

maybe it's the freedom of braces that makes everyone feel a little too liberated- but it seems to be that after the first year- the usage of retainers becomes nonexistent.

call me crazy- but this is a big deal ladies and gentlemen. this is a serious problem. i feel very strongly about educating adults ("ah-dults") about the importance of continued retainer wear.

but if i can't change the majority, all i can do is stand my ground.

i hereby vow to remain faithful to my retainers. i will not merely wear them to keep my teeth straight, but as a dedication to the 4 awkward years of high school as a metal mouth, for my cheap korean parents who would shunder at the thought of $5000 put to waste, and for the sheer self-amusement i get from the lispy sound i make when they're in my mouth.

here here.

head over heels

2010-01-17T23:21:00.000-08:00

lalalalalalalala

la la la la la

sigh.

'tis been a while since i've felt this way- but o' for my tender heart, i feel flitty and flighty. is flitty a word?

it's official. i am head over heels for another human being. i feeeeeel.

is it really too weird for me to go up to someone and say, "i am so into you." simple, truthful, and to the point. roles reversed- i would be very flattered regardless of whether my feelings were mutual or not.

last week i was contemplating the idea of "settling." during a last hoorah before my 2 week sentence to the west coast, i had one too many "mistletoe kisses" (i am referring to the name of a drink- no snogging on my end, unfortunately) to which an elf-ish (elvish? note to self: google "elfish vs. elvish") wee ole' (yes... old) french man was hitting on me. he was very polite, and he even gave me his card. once i sobered up- i did a google search, and sure enough- he's like the creative corporate man to a bunch of big shot steakhouses. it's a pity how impossible it would be for me to show any interest, seeing how i love steak. but seeing how alone i seem to be- i was actually trying to convince myself to be open minded- "he's french!" "he looks like a leprechaun..." "he's rich!" "he looks like a leprechaun..." "he owns steakhouses" "he looks like a leprechaun..." as 2009 was preparing for its curtain call, i began brain fucking myself on the big riddle that is my singleness.

and now here i am. totally googly gaggly over someone who barely notices me. i feel like taylor swift in "you belong with me."

the problem is- i am experienced in the art of "crushing" on someone. i am a puppy in the dating department. like a puppy, i am too excited, i have no idea what i'm doing (so i won't do anything except jump around in place)-- and i am so into this guy, i could just pee.

i sound like a friggin episode of sex and the city:

"it made me wonder, are crushes the real climax of a relationship? or do we just allow ourselves to create a hype that isn't really there at all? meanwhile, on the upper west side, samantha was doing a bit of crushing of her own..."

my big fat korean new year

2010-01-03T20:24:00.000-08:00

happy new year my little spider monkeys.

as promised, here is part 2 of my korean holiday also starring gregory peck. before we begin, i'd like to comment on the above image i've posted. i couldn't not share this with you. at first i thought it was a cute kitschy image of a gooky new year and then, i spy with my little korean eye...

"every would!!!"

i'm dying.

"every would?" i'm speechless, because i have no idea what they intended to write. "everyone?" or "every world?" the endless possibilities.

besides, korean people can't even pronounce their w's.

i love broken engrish, yes i do.

so to the point. new year's is an extremely important holiday for the korean culture. there are customs and traditions that i've never understood (nor will ever understand) but have been practicing (and will continue to keep practicing til my decease) since my mother shoved my very first dumpling into my mouth.

simply, on january 1st- a shitload of my korean relatives gather together to soak up each other's koreanness via food, games, and ceremony.

yep, i said ceremony.

this year, due to my grandma's slowly becoming senile and one helpless uncle- we ended up switching things around. long story short- we ended up having to pack up all our festivities and change the venue of our new year's celebration. we ended up gooking it at grandma's house, or should i say apartment. or shack. yep. grandma's shack. how many koreans can you fit at grandma's shack? 20.

20 koreans.

granted i wanted to pull "the happening" on myself- amongst the extra body heat and overall claustrophobia- we managed to have a very good celebration. therefore, i wanted to take some time to give you a nice little "korean new year's for idiots" tutorial on the 4 basic things you need to know about the one holiday that kicks christmas's ass.

1. hanboks - korean traditional wear. i mentioned these beauties in my childhood memories post. i haven't worn one since i was a gookling, but i was looking forward to sporting one this year. i happen to look smokin' hot in these obviously very sexy dresses. plus i like feeling easy, breezy, beautiful (covergirl!) down there. however, i was cursed with a very non-korean gene: big boobs, so none of the hanboks that have been passed down to me fit. i had to put on my western-influenced frock while my gangster grandparents pimped out in their oriental silk. i especially dug my grandpa's hanbok. pink on the bottom, red on top- he looked like valentine's day puked on kim jong il.

2. dduk gook - aka, dumpling soup. i don't know why we eat it on new years but i really could give two shits. i love it. it tastes sublime, and i love seeing how every year they jump through hoops to completely pimp out this extremely simple soup.

3. games. i never play. i never understand the point- and i'm pretty sure that as a subservient female in the korean customs- i'm not supposed to ever win. at a certain point, if it's clear that i will definitely be victorious- i'll get the stink eye from my relatives, and would therefore have to fake a bad move to avoid having to deal with a lecture on "respect" from a drunk uncle. plus- i'm pretty sure they have to reteach me the rules every year- because i'm pretty sure i'm just throwing sticks in the air over and over until some one's named a winner.

4. sebeh - the korean ceremony. simply - we bow to our elders, who then in turn gives us a few words of wisdom to which then they give us envelopes full of cash. now you know why this is my favorite holiday.

and now i'm officially ready to start a new year.

scary thoughts and freshly painted nails.

2010-01-02T22:43:00.000-08:00

i've been unable to sleep the past couple nights. i've been restless since watching "the lovely bones" so i have an on-again-off-again obsessive fear of stanley tucci. i don't think i'll be able to snap out of it until i sit down for a macchiato with him to applaud his creepy, bone quivering golden globe award nominated performance after watching rounds of a midsummer night's dream, devil wears prada, and julie & julia.

plus, after my dying mama dream (please feel free to read my previous post)- shut eye is a dreadful place.

i told my korean mother about the nightmare, and she put a big satisfied smirk on her face. i confided in her from a scared child in need of a mother's warm security- but instead received a big smack, "you better cry a rot when i die!" (and no i didn't misspell "lot")

my friend eunice and i drove up our favorite place atop hills to watch the stars- and even though i was in the warm company of a friend, i felt like suzy salmon's ghost would race past me with that vietnamese chick with the round face following after.

i'm paranoid.

when will i sleep peacefully again?

i need a man. to cuddle with when i'm afraid. =(

but on the plus side, i finally got a hair cut. not a real one. a fake one. and i got my nails did- long overdue. i got "smoky rose" for my fingerlings and "sexy red" for my tizzles.

when the dog bites, when the bee stings

2009-12-31T10:44:00.001-08:00

i'm a deep sleeper, therefore i have vivid dreams.

which means, i also have vivid nightmares.

in a perfect world, as soon as your body succumbs to slumber, we'd be living out fantasies and happily ever afters.

unfortunately, due to my completely fucked up psyche, last night i had to sit through a 3-D screening of frigging "the lovely bones" i didn't pay for.

and it was about my mother.

i wake up to my dad telling me- my mom & my sister never came home, and he thinks "they got shot." cue my sister who walks in, having been out from the night before. my dad tells me to try calling my mom-- which i do. at first, i fear that i'd be greeted by her voicemail, but something worse - someone picks up. there's a breath of relief- but then i hear it's the voice of a man. and without waiting for me to say anything he goes, "we took your mom to work" in that tone. in that moment i knew- my mother was murdered and i was on the phone with her killer. my instinct at that moment is to pick up my laptop and e-mail work to let them know plain and simply, "my mother was murdered, so i won't be able to come back to work until i'm ready." to which i contemplate calling one of my best friends when tears begin rushing down uncontrollably. as we leave our house, everything becomes cinematic- very baz luhrmann's "romeo + juliet." friends are over to try to cheer us up- and my sister instantly begins to warm up. but i can't. i'm just crying, and crying. i actually ask someone, "will i ever stop hurting?"-- a question mixed with denial that any of this has happened. and back to choking up and the tears- and then, my eyes open. i'm awake, and i'm crying.

anyway, that's that. a great way to end a mediocre year- i bid you adieu 2009.

bring on 2010.

2010 resolutions

2009-12-30T01:35:00.000-08:00

"lose weight" is not on my list. i have a shitload of things i want to accomplish this year, but here are a couple highlights that i wanted to share with you before a flurry of korean excitement takes over my limited moments with 2009.

1. blog more. for all i knew, i've been bribing my one and only reader with the big bucks to remain loyal to this piece of internet junk... but a few have stepped forward with the shocking question, "why haven't you been blogging?" to which i'm speechless. reader - reveal thyself!

2. yoga. i love it, and i'm always too lazy to do it. enough with the third degree.

3. keep my apartment clean. i live with two other boys and i'm the messiest one. i also can't seem to keep my room clean for longer than a week. scratch that. i've never been able to keep my room clean for even as long as a week.

4. adopt a dog. i've been saving up every penny i've found on the floor to get a pup. my apartment's not big enough, and i'm completely irresponsible, but i'm completely convinced that my life would change for the better as soon as man's best friend enters my world.

5. get kissed.

auld lang syne

2009-12-30T01:14:00.000-08:00

counting down the days 'till the big 2010, and reality just smacked me in the face.

where have all my kisses gone?

i was given an entire decade of the first millennium to spread my kisses around the world, and i seem to have missed an entire 3650 days worth of kissing.

i suppose i must admit here on the sad lonely world wide web that though i am a remarkably amazing, talented, intelligent and funny bombshell... i seem to be marked with a scarlet "s" for "single."

what can i say? i was hopelessly awkward in high school, i was a drama major in college, and all my friends are gay.

i'll drink to that.

these are a few of my favorite things

2009-12-29T09:29:00.001-08:00

WEEPULS!

i always thought they were spelled "weeples" but after an extensive google search, the jury has spoken: w-e-e-p-u-l-s

irregardless! these colorful cottonballs of amazing mark one of the highlights of my childhood. in the peak of the fall, once a year we were promised a get-out-of-class assembly where members of corporate QSP would promise us mounds of prizes in return for selling magazine subscriptions as a form of fundraising (or now that i think about it, child labor.)

prizes would range from collecting weepuls (which would be THE fall handbag accessory), earning other useless crap, and if you were one of the extremely determined ones- getting to collect money in one of those glass boxes with cash flying everywhere in a given amount of time.

i don't think in my entire life, i've ever been in on of those boxes. another task to add to my bucket list.

so now that weepuls have returned to my life, i thought i'd take a little time out of my day to display the highlights of my little oriental childhood.

raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with strings

these are a few of my favorite things:

1. weepuls! i suppose you could say they were the insignificant premature versions of pokemon- gotta catch 'em all!

2. the bailey school kids. before edward and bella, vampires wore polka dots. simple as that.

(i would like to mention the honorable mention literary selections: little house on the prairie - i loved that shit, and sideway stories from wayside school)

3. wearing hanboks on new years. all the koreans of the world (well... except the north koreans... hmm, i should google that shit) would agree that new years is a splendid one. i won't get into detail since i'm 100% positive i'll be writing a korean new year's entry come what may... but once upon a time, we adorned these oriental silk beauties. and yes, that's me. always a class act.

4. animaniacs. hannah montana who? 'nuff said.

5. girl scout cookies. i hated those little fuckers since my korean mother wouldn't let me join a brownie troupe or other secret society. but i did love the cookies. all those little barbies targeted my chubby little self, and if i showed any bit of resistence, all they needed to do was pull one of these babies out:

samoa.

6. school uniforms. these are the exact ones i was forced to wear- and though i never looked nearly as cool as these homies, i appreciated the convenience of not having to choose a cute outfit. we were all destined to look shitty.

all of this reminiscing made me want to break into a popular mid-late 90's song. unfortunately the only song i seem to remember from my childhood is:

what a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.

a very korean christmas

2009-12-27T18:12:00.000-08:00

this year, santa decided to ignore my wish list i specifically overnight delivered to him, and sent me a bunch of koreans instead.

after a disastrous (hungover) day of traveling on christmas eve, i was greeted by my mother at the airport in what she considered christmas apparel: red plaid pants, red old navy performance fleece sweater, red puffy vest. as she was shoving dumplings down my throat, she delightfully mentioned that this year every korean relative known in the han family was in town, and we would be spending christmas in santa barbara.

baby it's cold outside.

the last thing i wanted was to spend jesus's birthday completely intoxicated by the smell of kimchi and avoiding awkward broken korean conversations with my relatives on my "career choice."

spending time with the relatives makes me feel like dorothy calling out to the crystal ball when she gets captured by the wicked witch... "i'm frightened auntie em! i'm frightened!"

no it wasn't entirely that awful. i know there are plenty of people who had a worse christmas, like the lakers.

to the left, to the left

2009-12-24T08:41:00.000-08:00

it is 11:43, and boarding begins at 11:45. i am sitting here nursing a hangover at the brand new snazzy jetblue terminal at jfk ready for 2 weeks of sunny california. i might kill myself after 1/2 of week one.

due to the fact that on my cab ride here, i could barely allow myself to enjoy the last bits of beautiful sunny and wintery new york (sensitivity to light) i thought i'd bid a temporary adieu to my beautiful land of new york city. you will be very missed.

happy christmas!

a snow date

2009-12-20T00:03:00.000-08:00

there is no thrill when it comes to snow in new york city. winter wonderland usually starts in the wee bit hours of the night while the skanks are drunkily regretting their too-short dresses and heels while trampling through virgin snow. by the time the rest of society awakes, new york city has already salted the pavements, and all you have is wet grey poop all over the streets.

at least it's been like that the last 3 winters i've been here. on my senior year of new york living, i've finally experienced my first snow storm. blizzard that is. instead of cozying up to my warm sheets and popping in a cozy holiday dvd-- i gave a big "f u" to mother nature, and embarked on a little saturday night snow date with hoops.

and it was magical.

except for the whipping sensation of snow hitting my face at 50 mph... and ice in my eyes... and bright red frozen hands.

but now that i have potentially faced frostbite, i am fulfilled. we both agreed that we needed to make our markings all over the fresh new york city snow before it's all been completely mutated into utter crap.

besides, i adore the rosy cheeks i sport after a good snow whippin'

ah, so beautiful. yum the snow smells so nice.

wish list

2009-12-09T06:56:00.000-08:00

happy chanukah my friends. and no i don't pronounce that with a silent c.

i have a love/hate relationship with the holidays. but i do cherish the important meaning of christmas- gifts.

dear santa, this is what i want. please don't cheap out on me this year: compared to the other years, i've been a decent amount of nice. your boo, jee

1. hot chocolate spoons by chocolate company - and yes, i do prefer the ones with alcohol.

2. macbook pro - 17" but i'm not picky!

3. gilmore girls complete series - i am not ashamed. i love these bitches.

4. beatles rockband! - i also don't have a wii so if you could throw that in my stocking that'd be great.

5. an english bulldog - preferably one that could skateboard =)

6. a boyfriend. i'll supply the mistletoe.

blue hair

2009-12-07T22:30:00.001-08:00

i can confidently say that one of my best qualities would be my hair. it's soft and pretty-- but above all-- it styles easily. i have naturally silky, smooth and straiiiiiight hair BUT if i pump it with my fingers or let it loose after 3 minutes in a quick bun or braid-- it soaks up volume like *snap* and gives me enviable sex hair.

pantene pro-v can't handle this shit.

i admit that i have my fair share of insecurities about my body and image-- but when it comes to my hair, i feel like the angelina jolie of the tresses.

i do however feel like i'm in a bit of a funk. i've been sporting the faux-naturally-wavy look for quite some time, and i'm in dire need of some change.

i'm too much of a vagina to dye it blue, which remains on my bucket list... and i don't want to "go short" 'cause then i'll be that chubby girl with the short hair, or miss swan, or my mother.

i suppose i should take the rest of 2009 to plan out my renaissance. i need a change- new hairstyle, new wardrobe, new shade of lipstick. maybe i'll try to be the "nail polish girl." i have great nail beds (another one of my ridiculously amazing physical traits)-- so i should be that girl who always changes up her nail color.

oh 2010, oh the possibilities.

le fin?

2009-12-05T19:39:00.001-08:00

the first day of snow, and i didn't see it. i didn't miss much, from the view outside it looked like god was emptying out the remainder of his white cherry slushie.

i had this entire day planned out- i was going to take a yoga class, run 3 miles, put on some red lipstick, visit the new michael's, purchase the new essie mint colored nail polish i've been obsessing over.

i didn't do any of it.

i've been laying around all day. at first i was just being lazy, and i wanted to catch up on my thursday show recordings-- but i started noticing how achy i've been. my lower back is killing me. it's stiff, and achy--- dull & sharp.

i smell like an old lady now. i'm laying in bed, my lower back is double-layered in bengay, and i smell like an old lady.

and i have to be up by 6am. oh dear me.

stay tuned to see the fate of the 100-mile club, but in the meantime, send good thoughts out to my lower back!

everything is amazing and nobody's happy

2009-12-03T13:57:00.001-08:00

unfortunately my good ole' reliable macbook has run its course. okay fine- i dropped it okay? it had a good number of years left, and i dropped it! i've decided to omit that part of my laptop tragedy- because i turn out to look like freaken grendel in this story. but yes- my laptop has dramatically slowed down and is not in any shape or form to be used.

i told my mother about this, and she offered to send me her new laptop she just purchased for herself for me to use. it happens to be a pc... and a toshiba at that.

the first thing out of my mouth was, "mom! i'm a mac user! i don't want a pc!" and then i stopped myself.

as i heard myself spitting out those disgusting words, an entire out-of-body experience occured before my eyes. i saw myself watching this scenario- listening to myself complain, but above all-- imagining how my selfless mother was reacting to her spoiled little child.

there are worse things in this world, and we take everything for granted.

on that note, if you haven't seen this video, you should absolutely definitely watch. take 5 seconds to re-examine how amazing life is:

the wounded soldier

2009-12-03T09:58:00.000-08:00

i haven't been running, which is why i haven't been blogging.

i stopped because i was exhausted. i took a break. but then i got sick. i know, a plethora of excuses- but the worst part is now i have a huge chunk of distance i still have to make up.

the hard part is getting back to where i was. it's been really hard for me to even complete 2 miles. man...

yesterday i went on the treadmill, and at 0.80 miles- i had to stop. my calves were so tight and burning. maybe i'm not stretching enough. maybe i'm dehydrated. or maybe i just suck.

sigh. i decided to run 2.20 miles today (to make up for that pansy run i did yesterday)- and at 1.25, i had to stop! i sat there for 20 minutes massaging my calves, and then got back on. that was probably my proudest moment- not giving up.

i'm not in the shape i was at the beginning of this journey, but i gotta get back into the groove.

miles: 26

74... to... go...

sigh.

hey lady

2009-11-13T21:34:00.000-08:00

original:

jee'd:

miles: 15

de la musique

2009-11-11T12:50:00.000-08:00

3 MILES!

i spent the entire afternoon avoiding the the treadmill. i can barely move- my body is radiating pain. it's absolutely atrocious outside, no point in "enjoying the outdoors."

but i did it.

i'm surprised i didn't just settle for 2. i was telling grace yesterday how deliciously satisfying it feels to hit your goal. my body is so sore- i could've given myself a day of rest- but i'm reserving that for a more spontaneous occasion.

i spent all morning shaving my legs. if you know me, you know how much i hate shaving my legs. especially during the cold season, i like to give my legs some hibernation. it's disgusting- but to all the men out there- shaving is tedious, okay? as you can see-- if i chose to make shaving my legs a priority for the day, i was definitely avoiding the 100 mile club. however, i pumped myself up by letting it be an easy day. i jumped on the treadmill, and gave myself a 60-minute time limit to finish those 3 measly miles.

the first mile was the hardest. my body was achy, my shins were burning--- and all i could think about was how crappy i felt. but when mile 2 was commencing- i felt great!

when mile 3 was approaching- i felt even better.

and then it hit me.

my ipod.

"beat it" - michael jackson

"pyt" - michael jackson

"single ladies" - beyonce

"irreplaceable" - beyonce

"american boy" - estelle ft. kanye west

i feel on top of the world, thanks to my amazing black-filled playlist! and i swear, beyonce can pump you to shred 20 lbs in no time! bump up some "ring the alarm" and you'll breeze through the nyc marathon.

on a sour note. i hate when couples get cute at the gym. this disgustingly cute girl started running the same time as me (granted she only stayed on it for 5 minutes at a much slower pace than yours truly) when her boyfriend came up to her to give her a big smooch and to cheer her on. i wanted to throw up. he had to cheer her to get to a 1/4 of a mile? unless she's been magically cured from paralysis- keep that shit in your pants hombre. how annoying.

unfortunately due to my heavy schedule tomorrow- i might only get through 1 mile and a yoga class. we shall see. i would totally go for 2, but seeing as how i'm gonna start my run early in the morning- i'll probably just drop and fall asleep on the treadmill.

miles: 10

dweebs

2009-11-11T10:08:00.000-08:00

got a cake design request to make a star wars + nyc + wedding themed cake.

geeky. geeky. geeky.

i can't even deal.

shootin' for 3 miles today. we. shall. see.

& here is a little something from me to vous... one of the best 2.5 minutes of my life (my favorite moment is at 2:18)

big girl, you are beautiful

2009-11-10T19:26:00.000-08:00

i would say i feel the sexiest a good 30 minutes after a workout.

i guess i'd be out of the shower searching for clothes to wear--- or like today, wiping off my sweat, and throwing on some make-up because as per usual, i'm late to a prior engagement.

but it's a mixture of the endorphins and the satisfactory finish that just make me feel great. after a grueling 2 miles on the treadmill, i put on my purple flowy top that does absolutely nothing for my figure-- but today, it made me feel radiating and dare i say it- sexy. i was staring at myself in the mirror- and i don't know if it was the lifty feeling after that last good 1/2 mile sprint-- but i felt great. i looked at myself, and thought- wow, that's beautiful.

those feelings are rare unfortunately. i usually throw on my boots to whatever ensemble is nearest in reach and call it an outfit. i prefer to tie my hair in knotted buns- when everyone knows i have undeniable sex hair. it's amazing how little improvements in your life can really change your outlook. i chose to do this 100 mile journey so that i can meet solely a mental goal- but i forget how at the end of the day-- exercise is really good for you. it not only cuts out unwanted calories- but it makes you feel amazing. i didn't feel guilty about what i was eating, and i'm looking at myself in a new way.

i think a lot about what i was like in high school. i was relatively the same size-- but after a good amount of trial and error, i've evolved a whole lot from the sad little tragic t-shirt/jeans combination to whatever i think i've become now. i don't even own t-shirts. and i hate jeans, oh how i hate jeans.

i wish i could go around the world and talk to chubby high school girls. i used to be afraid of wearing tank tops and the idea of drowning myself in unflattering t-shirts and sweaters were ideal to me. i would actually walk home in the scorching 100+ degree weather in a yellow old navy performance fleece sweater- because at that time, insecurities reigned over my common sense. it takes a lot to grow past that self-consciousness, believe me i know- i spend about 95% of the time in the mirror criticizing myself--- this "sexy" feeling is a rare one.

but i like feeling this way. i like feeling sexy. i like looking in the mirror and really enjoying myself. and everyone deserves that same feeling. we just hold ourselves back.

whether it be listing your favorite body parts, or splurging on a new outfit- i suggest to all the ladies out there to enjoy yourselves. reveal your collar bones. put on a new pair of heels. curl your hair. or just dance around naked- that's what gets me going. because sooner or later- you'll just smack yourself on the head for not enjoying yourself to the fullest from the start.

this became way too inspirational. so this is my letter to all the chubby high school girls of the world:

dear chubby high school girls:

don't hide. you're beautiful- wear whatever the fuck you want. flaunt what you think is beautiful. i should've worn shorts and skirts every second of my life because i have the sexiest legs in the world. instead i went for baggy bootleg jeans that did nothing for my legs of sex. now here i am preaching to you to look past what you think is beautiful, and just fuckin love yourself. you're wasting the best moments of your life behind those t-shirts.

love, a big girl.

miles: 7

being naked

2009-11-09T11:48:00.000-08:00

when i was a sophomore in high school, after taking a shower i fell asleep in my parents bed only in a towel. their bed was soooo comfortable, and it just felt refreshing to be cool, naked, and free in a shady bedroom in the middle of the excruciating heat of a california summer. my older cousin who was staying with us for the summer walked in on me while i was sleeping- and it traumatized him. i'm actually really glad i wasn't awake- but when the nap was over, my sister told me everything. granted, he's my cousin- but it hurt my feelings that it was that awful for him. i was/am a chunky girl and at that age i had serious image issues. and to get to the point- i was at the peak of puberty, and i hadn't been introduced to the wonderful world of brazilian waxing yet.

so being naked is really hard. i would say that incident definitely marked my inability to be naked. but i realize how easy it is for me to walk around naked now. even something as simple as the gym. you're in the locker room--- after an amazing workout, i could give three shits whether a woman was staring at my wobbly bits. who gives a shit? e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e. is baring all, why work the extra sweat to "be modest?" plus--- after a good three miles on the treadmill and 5 laps in the pool, i feel like i'm on top of the world- i should be doing a dance to the gods at that point.

so i love being naked. especially since i have such amazing legs.

miles: 5

the day off

2009-11-09T08:43:00.000-08:00

ultimate relaxation. a much needed day of rest is upon me. what shall i do aujourd'hui?

3 miles. swim some laps. clean my room. bake a million cupcakes for le pauvre. clean the living room. win the lottery. clean the kitchen. read the bible. watch the recorded taylor swift snl. read.

read. yes. i neeeed to read.

in the meantime i've reintroduced my love for the flight of the conchords. they're my favorite.

exhaust

2009-11-08T19:34:00.000-08:00

completely drowned in exhaustion.

nevertheless, i nailed 2 miles today. 98 to go.

i'm thinking of going for 3 tomorrow in addition to a couple laps in the pool.

we. shall. see.

100 mile club

2009-11-07T23:30:00.001-08:00

it's about 2:30 am, and i need to be up at 6... and my mind is racing.

so for p.e. in middle school there was this thing called "100 mile club." once a week we would have to run around the field (1 lap = 1/4 of a mile) for 30 minutes, and the more laps you ran-- the closer to 100 miles you'd be, dur. in order to promote fitness- they offered prizes. there were short-term and long-term awards... short-term: if you ran 8 laps, you'd get a water bottle. if you ran 10- you'd get a water bottle and a twix. long-term: when you reach 50 miles, you get a white t-shirt that said "50-mile club," when you reach 100 miles, you get a blue sweatshirt that said "100-mile club" and when you reached 150 miles you'd get a hooded white sweatshirt that said "150-mile club"

i was a good runner, but i allowed myself to be lazy.

i'm laying on my bed, laptop on stomach trying to figure out something incredible i wanted to accomplish.

it'd be nice to cut 15 lbs off by the end of the year but that's not fair to myself. if it was that easy for me to drop that weight, it would've been done by now.

i need something that sounds easier to attain- but healthy.

so i'm gonna try to get myself back on the 100-mile club... but instead of going through all of sixth and seventh grade just to get that sweater--- i want to hit 100 miles by the end of the year.

i have a little less than 8 weeks-- and i want to run 100 miles.

let's do this.

i can ice pretty and ugly

2009-11-06T19:48:00.001-08:00

i was bombarded at the cupcake dynasty aujourd'hui with way too many cupcake design requests. just thought i'd share them. one i'm very proud of- the other, well it's not that i'm not proud of it-- i just didn't have much to work with.

for my first request, i iced 30 of these beauties. i totally forgot my phone today, so of course i didn't take these photos. i would've taken them anywhere besides against a marble background.

sunflowers on red velvet cupcakes!

and the next cake came at me as a surprise. after i finished the sunflowers, i was ordered to ice a fudge birthday cake with a design for a 40-year old man's birthday... and he loves working out. it literally said "dumbbells and exercise equipment."

wtftrain?

i had no time to think! i whipped this one in ten minutes. not bad-- but i think it screams pure tacky. i hail this the douchiest cake of all time.

douche.

and of course, more cupcake adventures to come.

taylor swift

2009-11-05T10:05:00.001-08:00

i'm a bit obsessed with taylor swift. i could give 4 shits about her music, but she's actually really good in her own little way. i totally just listened to her album, and i'm really digging "you belong with me" (yep, the song that hailed kanye all king of douches.) i'm not into her music really, but i admire her talent. she's so young, and she's making music that is beautiful (in her own way) and she's doing what she wants. that's amazing. plus, i love listening to her short story on making it. she worked at it, hurrah!

as for another girl who didn't work all that hard to make it--- i still dig demi lovato. only a little bit. i'm totally into "this is me"- yep... from camp rock... with joe jonas.

sigh. i'm such a hardass, but you know-- i can admit, deep inside i wish i lived the lifestyle of the rich and famous teeny boppers.

oh, and everyone should definitely listen to ingrid michaelson's "the chain":

iron man fan

2009-11-05T10:01:00.000-08:00

on a light note, i thought i'd just throw it out there that i'm doing a small gig that i'm actually excited about.

stay tuned. i'm gonna be on an episode for the onion news network. i hate anyone and everyone who tries to make webisodes happen- but the onion news is good shit. i commend them for their witty "news" reporting- so even if they asked me to do this episode for free, i'd do it.

it'll be fun. i get to bag on gwyneth paltrow.

soapy heels

2009-11-05T09:50:00.000-08:00

online dating at its finest. i'm not cowardice to admit- yes, i'm trying online dating. i totally tried eharmony this past summer in conjunction with okcupid-- one site filled with old losers and another filled with new york's most wanted douchebags.

i don't even know why i'm trying it again.

i think it's pretty retarded when i send messages (you know, since confidence is sexy and all that bs)--- and i get responses criticizing my word choice?

i actually wrote to a guy who wrote back to me and told me never to "assume." i didn't even know what he meant... he just said, "here's a tip: don't assume."

so i go back to the previous message i sent him, and i'm dumbstruck. i have no idea wtftrain he's talking about!

and what's with guys who stop messaging? i think i'm an extremely cool girl-- and in my online dating experience there have been two guys that i felt an instant attraction to. we'd talk-- and we'd only start really slowly--- and then he'd stop messaging. i'd actually go back to the messages and "see what i did wrong"-- but nada. seriously, i know what screams stupid girl, and i gave them nothing to bounce off of. douches.

and of course, i get hit on by guys who are an absolute no-no. i'd get messages where i'm 100% certain they copy-paste to all of the girls who seem semi-cute. scripted. umm... if you're really into me, i'd like to think you would be able to put even a little bit of effort to write me a personal message. or if you're going to copy-paste the same message, don't try so hard. they all sound like they're writing poems. one asian guy actually rapped at me. no, not to me-- rapped. at. me.

i'm tired of it. i deserve better. i know i'm meant for something more than this disastrous depressing world of profile writing - winking nonsense, but i'm sick and tired of searching for a guy. just a decent one, all i'm asking for is a decent guy.

screw it.

if i were a painter

2009-10-28T20:46:00.000-07:00

i would paint my reverie, if that's the only way for you to be with me

we'd be there together just like we used to be

underneath the swirling skies for all to see

and i'm dreaming of a place where i could see your face

and i think my brush could take me there but only

if i were a painter and could paint a memory

i'd climb inside the swirling skies to be with you

flush them out

2009-10-24T21:48:00.001-07:00

relationships aren't just about being comfortable.

i like to say that a happy loving relationship is grounded on inspiration. two people inspiring one other to be the best of who they could possibly be.

this is the same in any relationship, not just romantically, but in families and friendships- especially in friendships.

especially, because... well. think about it. family is forever. you don't choose the mother and father who brought you into the world, just as you don't choose the brothers and/or sisters who may come into your lives.

but you do choose your friends.

sounds cynical, but sometimes- you don't choose right.

and i often wonder why i allow myself to continue on in certain parasitic friendships. there are people i can't talk to anymore. there are people i can't confide in without feeling like they're obligated to listen. i can't be honest with them, because they don't care. we barely have anything in common- but aside from common interest, the willingness to continue learning about each other is gone.

i think it just comes to show how badly i need to allow myself to move on and start afresh- when i can't even confide in said friends... and i have to resort to writing ambiguous blog entries.

there are people who don't listen, and who don't want to listen. they're not worth it. and i'm stuck.

queen frostine am i

2009-10-15T19:49:00.000-07:00

actor by day, cake artist by night. well not really, i just kind of do both of those things simultaneously.

even though i hold a love/hate relationship with the cupcake dynasty, there are perks. for one thing- i've discovered a new talent--- cake decorating. i have a knack for it, and i would totes go after it full throttle if i cared for the dessert world, but... i don't.

but i have been crowned cake artist recently, and have enjoyed making too little money for the amazing creations i poofed out that surprised even yours truly.

the jew cake:

this specific cake was 1. humongous, and 2. pre-designed. basically, they wanted me to slowly freehand ice the cake to replicate the image. oh, and add "mazel tov" somewhere on it.

the original:

queen frostined:

bride & groom cupcakes:

these were to be a gift for the wedding party when they arrived to their hotels. the design was up to me- i was given short notice in the middle of a hectic day, so i still wish i could've been a little bit more innovative about what i was icing. however- since it isn't for an actual wedding, i could care less. i drew up two sketches, and i'm a bit bummed they didn't go for the second one, nevertheless--- these came out pretty bombdiggity:

and finally, the artist at her best:

bam.

dahlias + potato ghosts

2009-10-06T08:27:00.000-07:00

i really wish i had a car. being the only new yorker at the del re & lee wedding, i was also the only person who took flowers home. i was only able to score three pieces due to my very limited strength-- but i love waking up and staring at them.

except now they're dying. well, only the dahlias. shame shame- dahlias happen to be the most beautiful flowers in my mind, but they just die so quickly. i can't help but try to keep them alive longer, but they're slowly dying away. shit, they even die beautifully.

*note: these were not from the lee+del re wedding. i most definitely google imaged "dahlias" and stole this photo. kudos to the real owners. kudos kudos and another thousand kudos.

i've been in a matrimonial mood. "matrimonial"- correct word choice? whatever. maybe it's the long hours i've been working, maybe it's the cold weather creeping up on me-- or you know, flashing lights, maybe it's because one of my closest friends in the world just got married, that could be it. i've always been that crazy girl who had a folder in her computer filled with wedding ideas- oh... no one else does that. okay, just forget what i just said. but-- a sudden urge of, "oh shit, am i gonna end up an old maid?" hit me a few minutes ago, and it of course started making me hungry.

so i looked up recipes, and i just had this entire flurry of, "i wish i was married," "i wish i had a bigger kitchen," "i wish i had a real job-- you know, as opposed to my fake job," or "i wish i had more time to cook for myself"

all these worries just exploded upon me, and all i have to comfort me are those damn withering dahlias.

on that note, you should definitely take a look at these two recipes. kemp minifie from gourmet magazine is probably my absolute favorite person in the whole world. she manages to make really stupid people like me feel adequate enough to conquer recipes that make my toes curl and nose scrunch up.

eggs on toast with dandelion greens

in honor of all hallow's eve approaching - potato ghosts!

dr. & mrs. del re

2009-10-05T20:15:00.000-07:00

it's official. after a year of talking about this day, it's finally come and gone.

grace and dominic have been pronounced husband and wife.

& now they're in portugal.

i was planning to write a big entry on the day of their wedding, but i stepped forward as the bride's bitch (wink to grace), so i didn't have time day of. so here i am writing a recap of the beautiful affair post-wedding.

first off, those two are probably the luckiest people in the world. not just because they found each other and yadda da-- but new york was hit with the shittiest weather in the week prior to, i was busy googling cute umbrellas. but the sun gods were ever so gracious and as soon as i was racing around rivington to pick up 7 dozen cupcakes, the sun power blasted me, and i got to breathe in 3 minutes of complete excitement- this was gonna be a great wedding. plus, you add the crazy 14th street traffic, and a pastor who only provided a limited time slot-- there was a brief moment of a "get me to the church on time" scare for the bride, all i could repeat to myself was, "she'll be here, she'll be here, she'll be here." and she was.

let's all take a second to take a look at the umbrella that would've saved any rainy day:

i can go on and on about the wedding, but i want to wait to do my wedding post after i get to see the array of max wanger photos. fyi- everyone and their moms should use max as their wedding photographer. here's a little tease from their engagement se-shee-yone:

and i totes took on the role of the drunk uncle just to give max some great shots. i somehow managed to get drunk, sober up, get drunk again, and then sober up again. i'm amazing.

back to the moral of the story.

grace and dominic- i asked you a week ago if you thought life would be different once you were married, and you both couldn't come up with an answer. i'm excited to learn how it all pans out. you two are more than perfect for each other- but most importantly, you inspire one other, and that's an incredibly rare thing in this world. as i sit here eating my chinese take out, i have a bit of a confession. i really wanted to make a wedding toast. maybe i was too drunk or maybe i was afraid i wouldn't say anything truly from the heart, but i thought i'd give you a mock toast right here on my biggety blog. i raise my beer bottle to you and to your incredible future.

and now i'm chugging my beer. that's classy.

vegan or not, go to stogo

2009-09-28T18:12:00.001-07:00

hands down, best ice cream i've ever had in my life.

as an incredibly serious vegan (well, sort of)-- i was a little curious when i heard about stogo, but put off trying the place.

after an intense yoga class in the lower east side, i flushed out my tadasanas with some vegetarian pho (not made out of fish broth mind you--- and especially after adding lots of sriracha sauce... it tastes exactly the same!) jon was very adamant about taking me to this place, so i gave it a go-- and umm... this place will ruin my life.

yes it's in the east village, yes it's $5 for a small scoop-- but it's worth the trip and money. i was only able to eat half of my ice cream--- and i couldn't help but make inappropriate sounds and moans through the entire sitting. i loved that they offer unlimited free samples (and i even made a pass at flirting with the very cute ice cream man)--- and i can't even begin to talk about the ice cream.

i first tasted the mint chocolate chip-- and i was certain i was just gonna go with it. but cute ice cream man convinced me to sample the other flavors.

i'm in love with all the coconut-milk based flavors. the coconut key lime was really good-- but in the end, i went with the coconut strawberry.

and i died and went to heaven.

you've gotta try it-- not just the vegans--- everyone.

i need to make at least two more trips down there asap-- they offer ice cream sandwiches (made with babycakes vegan cookies!) and they also have an array of hemp flavors. yum.

go down to st marks place-- take a free vinyasa class at yoga to the people-- then walk around the corner on 2nd ave and GET SOME STOGOS!

my obsession with religions

2009-09-28T09:46:00.001-07:00

Several blind men were walking along and came upon an elephant that allowed them to touch and feel it.

"The creature is long and flexible like a snake" said the first blind man, holding the elephant's trunk.

"Not at all--it is thick and round like a tree trunk," said the second blind man, feeling the elephant's leg.

"No, it is large and flat," said the third blind man, touching the elephant's side.

Each blind man could feel only part of the elephant--none could envision the entire elephant.

In the same way, it is argued, the religions of the world each have a grasp on part of the truth about spiritual reality, but none can see the whole elephant or claim to have a comprehensive vision of the truth.

This illustration backfires on its users. The story is told from the point of view of someone who is not blind. How could you know that each blind man only sees part of the elephant unless you claim to be able to see the whole elephant?

-Dr. Timothy Keller, THE REASON FOR GOD

the lost art of letter writing

2009-09-09T08:26:00.000-07:00

if i wasn't so freaken eco-friendly, i would totes be doing everything via mail.

i've already "gone paperless" with all my bills- but now i'm thinking of sacrificing trees in order to have the sheer delight of receiving paper statements and sending out checks in no postage necessary envelopes.

i was sitting here filling out my sag voting ballot, and i was extra thrilled because i had to fill out separate new york & national ballots-- meaning... two sets of outgoing mail = doubly-thrilled jee.

ah, simple little things.

i'm thinking of purchasing a typewriter, so i can start a new trend of sending letters. i think it would be nice to have a pen pal (not via e-mail)-- and though i would be killing trees, i would be saving electricity! my thinking - i spend less time e-mailing (less use of battery life, less need to plug my charger into my laptop), and more time type-type-typing on my typewriter (and yes- i would use an old school manual one... not an electric one.)

i think this is a genius idea.

i have to get rid of my stamps as well. about two days before the cost of stamps increased to 44 cents (umm... i just realized i don't know if i have any way of typing in the cent-symbol... you know, the c with the line between?)-- i bought about a million 42 cent (okay... the lack of cent-symbol is really annoying me) stamps... just because i liked the picture of the sunflowers. so anytime i have to mail something out- i'd have to use TWO 42 cent stamps... which is a big waste of 40 cents!

but i have to get rid of them. so if you would like to be my pen pal-- you will know that deep in my heart, you are worth an extra 40 cents/per letter.

so that's the plan. please friends and fans, i desperately need to write letters.

and if you're really lucky, i might handwrite a letter (due to my lack of typewriter.) and i have very nice penmanship if i must say so myself.

hopscotch

2009-09-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

the other day i was baby-sitting luc & nina, and since it was such a gorgeous day out we went to the park. other than central p and the dog park next to the m57 bus, i haven't really taken time to visit the beautiful parks new york has to offer. it took me a good 3 years to finally visit washington square!

anyway, nina and i had completed every possible activity we could occupy ourselves with in the goody bag, when nina jumped up and started hopping about. it just so happened that nina was able to navigate herself to the playground's hopscotch court.

and my entire childhood flashed before my eyes.

i would very much like to find someone to play a good game of hopscotch with.

i even found a picture of hopscotch in action, because that's how nostalgic i've become since rediscovering my old childhood obsession.

oh, and as i was googling hopscotch images, i found what looks like ultimate hopscotch.

i'm fascinated, and i would very much like to learn how to play.

searching for a bulldog

2009-09-04T22:16:00.000-07:00

it's official. i want a dog. after much contemplating-- i've allowed myself to rest on the yellow labrador retriever idea... roommate #2 and i had a little chat, and it's clear---

our ideal pet would be an english bulldog.

we are looking. we, of course, would preferably like to start out with a puppy- but we're poor and needy, so we're not picky.

though i don't have any money for a pet... i do have unconditional love and sacrificial feelings (self-sacrificing, not... animal-sacrificing...)... anyway what i want:

the gyro guy

2009-09-04T10:03:00.000-07:00

being asian in new york city. i can talk about it for hours.

i don't want to talk about it, but here's just a little sample of it:

walkin' home... feeling like i really want falafel on rice.

hmm... i guess i'll go to the falafel/gyro cart- of course!

"hi can i get falafel and rice with red and white sauce?"

a nice little smirk from the mediterranean/greek/hispanic/who knows guy... yes, i know i'm being racist. he turns to his partner-in-crime, because he doesn't speak english. i order my food from pic (partner-in-crime) and i wait.

the following is the interaction between me and the non-English speaking falafel man.

"you filipino?"

"no"

"where you from?"

"... california."

"where were you born?"

"california."

"where are your parents from?"

"california."

"you... korean?"

"no."

"what are you?"

"chinese"

and then after a couple smiles from the foreign falafel man, and i am gone.

this happens a lot to me. sometimes i get really lazy with my lies, and sometimes i get really creative. i only lied about not being korean but i mean... COME ON.

it's not even like he genuinely thought i was cute-- i was sweaty coming back from a yoga class! he wanted to approach me the same way he approaches all of his asian fantasies.

and i know that he was not interested-- because i go through the same banter with all the other gyro guys and cab drivers i meet.

i mean, when they crossed the border, did someone give them a script on how to flirt with asian girls?

and mr. gyro guy, have you ever met a filipino person? yeah, no. i don't look filipino one bit.

and as i was writing, i kept writing "falafels" and for some reason spell-check kept doing that red dotted line thing under the word. is falafel already plural? does "falafels" not exist? i just went back and deleted all the "s"s after "falafel"

astigmatism

2009-09-04T09:51:00.000-07:00

my mother really sucks sometimes.

so i've been going on a little health care craze. i feel like, hey-- i need to be responsible. i should be getting check-ups like all the time. granted, due to my choice of living the bohemian life, i do not have health insurance.

the cupcake dynasty offered-- but at a $300/month rate. wtf-train. i barely have $300 to purchase elephant art, how the hell am i supposed to cough up that kind of cash for something like i don't know... my life?

but i thought it was fine time that i got my vision checked. took me a good 13 years since my last check-up, and i decided to take a chance at a $20 eye check-up deal at cohen's fashion optical.

to my disappointment, i have astigmatism. is it... "i have astigmatism", or "i have an astigmatism?"

well i have it. astigmatism.

and as we were going through the various eyeball lens relationships... i was overwhelmed by how clearly i would be able to see if only i had been responsible earlier in life.

due to my inability to make life decisions, i of course phone my mother. i told her that the optometrist (i totally googled to make sure i got the right field name...) recommended i get eyeglasses that i can choose to wear either all the time-- or just for reading. i told her i agreed, because-- i loved the clarity i received from the lenses, but of course my mother disagreed.

she does not want me to wear eyeglasses, therefore she does not want me to see.

granted my mother has a long history of bad eyesight prior to her phenomenal life changing decision to get laser eye surgery-- but still, what does she know?

her reasoning behind not getting eyeglasses was that the moment i decided to wear glasses, i will always wear glasses. my eyesight will get worse. if i want to be an actor, i cannot wear eyeglasses.

okay, i may not know anything about eyeglasses- but i do know that... 1. i will not want to wear eyeglasses all the time. they'd make me look chinky. i'd only wear them for special occasions- like when i read, or when i've had way too much to drink. or when i'm going into an audition and i want to look more sophisticated, mysterious, and/or intelligent. 2. it's a double-edged sword. i can see what she means by the "your eyesight will get worse"-- but it can also get worse by not correcting the problem. and 3. if i want to be an actor, i cannot wear eyeglasses? umm... yeah, i'm not even going to argue with that one.

anyway... even though i think my mother is completely crazy at times, i'm still incapable of making my own decisions. i'm very disappointed in both her and myself.

i suppose i'll have to wait until everything in my point of view will look like i photoshopped an image with gaussian blue.

but until then... i will be playing the role of a lifetime, blind girl.

sanrio sucks

2009-09-04T08:06:00.001-07:00

my current bank of america debit card is not interesting. while working for the cupcake dynasty, i've noticed a fair amount of "make a wish" and "hello kitty" cards... and it began to dawn on me that my plastic has totally missed the new fashion statement.

so i called my bank and demanded that

they allow me into their cult.

very limited choices, but being the philanthropist i am, i knew i'd support a charity.

did you know??? if you choose to go with a charity for your bank of america myexpression banking... every debit card purchase you make would set off a chain of reactions concluding a donation to set charity by corporate bank of america?!

i say f all the hookers who ordered a hello kitty card. first off... hello kitty is ugly. it's all about keroppi and pochacco. second-- how old are you? and third... stop being selfish- support a charity.

anyway, i was trying to decide which charity to support. i initially thought.. susan g. koman breast cancer... but then i saw there was an opportunity to help out the human rights campaign... and well, you know me and my gays.

but when i actually took a look at the world wildlife fund debit card... well, it was love at first sight.

sorry homos, it's going to the pandas.

anyway, since this so happens to be my second post, i better add a bit of disclosure:

this is not meant to be a blog about my love for animals. "save the elephants" is just a motto- i don't have the money or resources to really save them unfortunately. i save them through the love i try to radiate via blogging and refraining from meat.

i also use cocoa butter because... elephants love cocoa butter massages... and i have really dry skin.

elephant art

2009-09-04T07:32:00.001-07:00

if i had money, i would spend countless hours surfing the net and visiting galleries on elephant art.

granted, most of what i see fail to impress... but once in a while, i see something i like so much, my brain starts to plot different ways i can monopolize the cash i'd need to get ahold of such piece of work.

hmm... i'm pretty sure i misused the word "monopolize"

anyway, here is my current obsession. a creation by my favorite artist Noppakhao. it's on sale, costing $350.

i don't have $350. if someone handed me $350, i would still be forced to use such cash to pay off my credit cards and invest in my very empty savings account. sigh.

hmm... i also found another obsession created by none other than Noppakhao, which I'm totes feeling

$400. ugh. when i think about money, all i wanna do is repeat the f-word.

gold frames. i want to acquire $750, purchase these beautiful finds, and frame them in gold. ahh yes, gold frames. gold gold frames. i've been looking for nice simple dark wood (on the cherry side) frames for some of my Gustav Klimt prints much to no luck and lack d'argent. but i came upon a set of beautiful pieces of work framed in gold, and i thought... "wow... gold frames." i think the thought of framing in gold was tacky. back in the day, my dad went and bought three "pieces of art" (framed in gold)... which just so happened to be the ugliest things i've ever seen mounted on our wall. he was so adamant about impressing guests... he went ahead and coughed up $3000 that he didn't have for these really really tacky paintings... framed in gold. i think i was completely turned off at that moment. but the other day, when i saw those gold frames... i thought, "where have i been?"

when i'm rich and famous - please take note that i used the word when not if - i will not only purchase these two creations, but i will purchase Noppakhao myself and force him to paint me whatever i want. i will get naked and lay upon a bed of sunflowers so that i may see what inspirations flow upon the canvas before him.